a walking abortion

[into the air]
i've always believed my youth was wasted. walking alone from one hell to the other and back again everyday and every afternoon. talking to myself in my head and wondering aloud, why did he leave. why did he leave me alone with her? which is worse, to be aborted or to be alive and unwanted? i, for the record, am pro-choice. if you are anti-choice, well...fuck you.

i was alive only to those who needed someone to abuse. he left me afraid of everyone. she made me afraid of everything. i am the child of selfish, lazy people, respectively. i am the product of fear masquerading as love. i am selfish and lazy. they say, "you can't blame them forever. you have to take responsibility for yourself, you are a grown man." i say i will be 5 years old until i die and they are responsible for it. i say "fuck you" to anyone who doesn't accept that.

i was wrong. my youth wasn't wasted, it was stolen. my life, however, is a waste.

used to

i don't know who i am now. i don't know where i'm going. all i know now is why i've been weird forever. why i've been a freak for as long as i can remember.

i used to be a husband. i used to be a father. i used to be a pretty nice guy. ignorant, but nice enough i think. i used to want to save the world. i used be naive enough to think the world could be saved.

truly lost

[into the mirror]
everything is on its way to somewhere. everyone you love, one day, will die. your life is a blip on a radar screen that no one is paying attention to. you may not die tomorrow but you might as well. who's going to hear your last words? anyone? will they mean anything to anyone?

[into the air]
you stole everything. you destroyed everything i ever cared about by devouring what should have been love and shitting fear into my mouth. you fucked me over. do you wonder if i know what you did? do you wonder if i was too young to remember?